Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
