If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
