One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
