I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
