margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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