why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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