I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
