I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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