Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
