oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
