Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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