69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
