I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
