wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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