hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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