HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I party with great urgency now.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
