Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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