No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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