im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
