I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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