And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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