I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
