I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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