Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
