Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
