oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
