Swine flu is the new snow day.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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