So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
