i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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