i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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