Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
