so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
