Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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