Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I want a musical about memes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
