Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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