Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
