u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
