There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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