is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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