okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
