i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
