The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sponge bath it is.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
