I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
