What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
