Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
