My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we made out on top of his cat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
