you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I AM VODKA MAN
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
