ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize