my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
