chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
