Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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