how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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