i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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