why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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