What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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