First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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