I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Shame - the story of my life.
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