your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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