remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
