next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
