If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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