I just threw up on my dentist
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
