The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
