Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
