but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
