new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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