He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
