gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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