my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
