The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
