oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize