I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
