Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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