I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
