i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
