so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As shirtless as possible
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
