i just had sex bonerless
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
