I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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