look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
