i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
