i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize