Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
