I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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