maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
